21 Reasons I Choose BBC Pt. 1

Ever wonder why a Queen of Spades or a Hotwife would choose BBC? Well, I got one of my good friends, SecretPlayWife, to give us 21 reasons why she chooses BBC!!! SecretPlaywife was the 2016 Queen of Spades of the Year for the original Spades Mag so I think she would know a thing or 2 about picking BBC. Now to be fair, SecretPlaywife already wrote this piece for her website, HallPassZone.com.  She was gracious enough to give me permission to share it with you all here on Spades Mag.  I have divided the 21 reasons into 3 parts and I will be publishing Reasons 1-7 today.  Look for Part 2 to hit the blog on Tuesday, November 6th.

All opinions expressed in the following article are SecretPlaywife’s and do NOT reflect ALL Queens of Spades and Hotwives.  I encourage QoS and Hotwives who agree to leave a comment if they agree or have a reason that was not shared.  Finally please support and follow SecretPlayWife.  You can find her on her website, Tumblr, and Twitter.

Ok SecretPlayWife, take it away.



21 Reasons I Choose BBC (Reasons 1-7)


My entire life has been about monogamous marriage and traditional family. Then, 3 years ago,  I decided to give my husband his wish of watching me with another man. This site attests to my having enjoyed becoming a hotwife.

The first year I played mostly with Caucasian men from Ashley Madison (one of the few actual breathing women on that site I’m told), and with Caucasian and Hispanic men at swing clubs. Then we started hosting and I played with Caucasian and Hispanic men at my place, as well as a smattering of BBCs recommended by some other hotwife couples.

The second year we added more BBCs and reduced non-BBC attendees, but I played with some non-BBCs when I hosted and lots of non-BBCs when I went to clubs.

The third year I became BBC only. I went full queen of spades.

Note that my version of QOS isn’t cuck or husband denial. Mr. SPW has sex with me as always and is straight and alpha, but both of us agree that for us it’s more fun to wifeshare me with BBCs than with other men. But it’s still wifesharing. There’s no BBC supremacy, there’s no caging, there’s no fluffing or cleanup or dominating of my husband.

Here’s the part you might not expect: Our version of QoS makes our BBC guests more comfortable as well.

IMPORTANT: I don’t choose BBCs because I think black men are superior. They are fantastic guys and I enjoy playing with them. The Caucasian, Hispanic, Indian, and Japanese men I’ve played with are likewise fantastic and I enjoyed playing with them as well. As you’ll see from my list, most of the attributes that steered me towards BBCs are based on a comfort with the nuances of hotwifing, rather than anything inherent in any person. Thus, I hope this list will serve as a guide for everyone on how to be the best stallion or bull you can be. Anyone can do 90% of the things on my list.

BBC Preference Reason 1 – Less Flaking

My husband and I spend about 20 hours messaging guys prior to a hosted party. We always think it won’t consume that much time, but it does. It’s a huge investment in time on a computer or device that we would rather be spending together doing something else. I very much enjoy the play, but the arranging and vetting is just work. Plus we have to create availability times by declining other events or family activities and we have to ensure our kids (who don’t know of our hobby) aren’t going to be home, zero chance, absolutely positively no risk of a surprise walk-in (which is why the guys who say, “Sorry I flaked last night, how about today” make me so angry).

Add to that the time to clean the house and put every last thing away (we’re not sloppy but we’re not OCD neat), rearrange furniture, get waters and bags of ice in a chest, mani-pedi, hair, make-up, waxing the lady region, cleaning the backside (ya never know if that’ll get used), abstaining from food for hours prior (deep throating tends to evoke a gag reflex that, if I’ve eaten, has an unhappy result), and it’s obvious we’re very invested in making the night a success. We don’t charge anything, our only compensation are my orgasms.

Then a single drop of rain falls from the sky and 70% of the confirmed attendees’ message to say they won’t come after all. The other 30% simply go dark, no message, no reply to inquiries. A couple of days later they’ll say “had to go into work” or  “something came up”. Without that single drop of rain, our flake rate averaged 70%. If we invited 6, maybe 2 would show. Sometimes more of the confirmed attendees come, but other times we’ve sat around prepped and ready and no one arrives, zero. Wow, that is frustrating.

Solving for Flaking

We’ve found two things that have helped mitigate this. First, I ask the guys if they will really, truly come. If they are tentative, they don’t get our address. Next, I hand off to hubby those who said yes they will and pinky swore they’ll come. When Mr. SPW contacts them to give them the address and info, he first reconfirms that they absolutely will come. This double-verification, while annoying to the guys (they’ve told me as much), decreased our flake rate by 30% or so. Invite 6, 3 will likely show.

The second solution is to invite BBCs. It has been my experience that BBCs are more prone to showing up when they say they will. Not all. Flaking is still a huge issue. Lots of BBCs make good and/or bad excuses for not showing, but as a percentage of invitees who said they would show up, more BBCs come through than non-BBCs (in my personal experience, your results may vary). I assume perhaps this is because they may be more comfortable with the entire hotwife thing and so talk themselves out of coming less often, or maybe the non-BBCs were not actually in SoCal and were just using the notion of attending as fantasy material, or perhaps my left nipple is amazingly enticing and kissing it is on those BBCs’ bucket list (to pick an absurdly random reason because I don’t know the real reason). Either way, once we figured out this trend, not being stood up instantly rose to the top of my wishlist for guys, ensuring I would bias all invitations toward those who statistically stood a better chance of attending. I became a Queen of Spades.

BBC Preference Reason 2 – Cool With Husband’s Presence

I enjoy playing far more when my husband is nearby. Usually, he’s in the room, but sometimes he wanders away and I get some alone time with the guy or guys. Either way, I feel safer knowing he’s near. I feel more comfortable meeting a strange man with a chaperone. I also like that he gets equal enjoyment and isn’t excluded. For me, playing with other men is sexy and fun. I orgasm a lot. I love orgasming on cocks. Yet, being a hotwife is also about doing something the husband loves and I enjoy doing things for him that I know he likes. And watching me orgasm is something he most definitely likes.

Don’t Tell Your Husband

That’s the most common request I get from non-BBCs. Or more correctly, it was before we posted a ton of pics online proving that my husband is very much okay with this hobby. And amazingly, it is still pretty common. Most couples don’t post a lot of pics of the wife playing with other men with the husband’s knowledge. Since hotwifing is exploding in popularity, the vast majority of couples will be doing it very discreetly. Yet the perception remains that hookups are between singles (think Tinder) or swingers (couple on couple). If a good-looking guy is hitting on a taken lady, then he assumes she’s flirting with an adulterous affair and the guy doesn’t want to blow her cover nor have an angry spouse fighting him or outing him to his family. Thus the request.

Some BBCs make this same request. But for the most part, BBCs tell me they actually enjoy that my husband knows and is absolutely okay with him being present. They’ll get better post-play souvenir pics thanks to having an amateur photographer handy, and they get to have the moment of their large cock stretching this married woman’s pussy witnessed by a guy who is excited while it’s happening. They’ll strain their calves to hike up higher so my husband has a better view of their cock sliding in and out of my vagina. After switching to QoS, I now have so many opportunities to play with fit studly men who are accepting of my husband’s presence that I simply ignore or politely decline every request that hints of spouse apprehension.

BBC Preference Reason 3 – Likelier to Get Hard on Demand

Playing at a specific time in a specific place doesn’t necessarily align with anyone’s natural physical and mental rhythms. No matter how excited a woman or man might be, exhaustion, lack of food, apprehension, comfort with the environment one finds oneself in, and a host of things all affect their physical response to stimuli. So it is with any stallion who arranged to play with a wife (or girlfriend). Being with a strange new woman and being expected to perform, like NOW, is stressful. Being in a strange couple’s home in front of a group of other strange males can be downright intimidating, even if everyone is friendly and accepting. For women, we may not get moist enough, but lube is always there to fix the problem. For men, they might relax and get mentally into the eroticism of the moment, but they may not be able to sustain an erection.

About 50 percent of all men I meet have first-time stiffy problems. This freaked me out because I assumed I wasn’t sexy enough. Then I started watching lifestyle club play with really good looking younger women dressed in drop-dead lingerie and saw the exact same thing happen to them. Some chatted me up and were relieved to hear it was happening to me because they had assumed they were lacking or were too intimidating. Imagine that!

Mostly it’s recoverable. Some good oral helps. The right position for easier entry and lots of lube to reduce resistance and pop, you’re through the gateway and into the warm silky tight parts that rub your shaft from head to hilt. That usually fixes it. But sometimes not. Note to guys, don’t use fingers as a substitute for a stiff cock, fingers quickly become painful.

Happens to Everyone

The inability to get hard is commonly perceived as a flaw in the man. It isn’t. But that perception, I believe, weighs on the guy and makes it even harder to get hard. I’ve played with and around lots of men and know that this is a pervasive problem that affects all men of all ages and virility. If you’re a man reading this and think you’re exempt, I think you’re delusional. Great guys who are young and fit and sexy have difficulty staying hard in new environments with new women. Those same guys are sex gods the second time they visit because the apprehension isn’t there.

Fly-Ins & 1 on 1s

Every once in a while an affluent guy will want to fly to my closest airport and get a hotel room to have me visit for a couple of hours for some fun. Usually, I politely decline, flattering though it is to be considered worthy of that time and money (for travel, I always play for free), sometimes if I have just the right availability and they are okay with pics, I’ll say yes. Then the willy won’t. Awkward. There’s only so much oral I care to do on a soft cock. Chatting and

breaks stretch the time until I feel comfortable calling it. I feel bad when that happens, and that’s why I usually decline those offers. That’s also the exact same thing that happens on 1 on 1s, so I decline those too. Note that some of the fly-in hotel rendezvous meetings have been AWESOME, full of hard power-cocking until I tap out! Same with some of my 1 on 1s. But the odds aren’t with you if it’s our first meeting.


Black men aren’t super-human. This happens to them as well. Arguably, those larger cocks can be harder to keep stiff. But as a gal who tries to keep the odds in my favor, after a lot of play with a lot of guys of all types, I know that BBCs are more likely to rise to the occasion on demand, perhaps because they are more comfortable with the hotwife environment and aren’t as apprehensive about the husband/boyfriend or pics or strange houses. I don’t know, I’m guessing here. But when a non-BBC with difficulties does get hard, we usually try to rapidly finish for his pleasure, and hubby will make me orgasm later that night after the guest(s) have left. When a BBC with difficulties gets hard, the pumping and my moans are usually enough to sustain him for the time I need to build up and climax. Orgasms always make me happy.

BBC Preference Reason 4 – Accepting of Condoms

No one likes condoms. I hate condoms. They squeegee out the lubrication and I’m much more prone to friction injuries with extended condom play. Guys don’t like condoms either. They reduce the feel and they rob you of the mental stimulation of knowing you are touching the private husband-only insides of my womb. Besides, everyone LOVES creampies. Guys love giving them, husbands love photoing them, I love receiving them.

But condoms are a necessity. I decide who gets to go without one, but if I’ve not met you previously, you have to wear one.

Half of the guys who message me saying they want to attend one of my parties or meet me one-on-one ask if condoms will be required. When I reply yes, almost all of them go dark or reply with a decline to meet. Apparently orgasming in my pussy is enticing only if there’s no barrier a mere 70 microns thick between his cock and my vagina wall. For those who didn’t ask specifically, it’s in our short “what to expect” invite confirmation email that hubby sends to the guys. Bring condoms.

When I say almost all guys go dark once I confirm condoms are required… you know where this is going… the majority in my personal experience have been non-BBCs.

Prior to QoS, when play began, whether one-on-one or a group of non-BBCs, I often had to “remind” the guy to wrapper up. “Oops, haha, I forgot.” Yeah, right. But post-QoS at my BBC&Me parties, even at the impromptu hotel gatherings, the guys already have one on before they step near my nether parts. They assume it. They expect it. They comply with it. There have been plenty of exceptions. BBCs at parties occasionally ask, and lots of non-BBCs wrapped without being asked. But in my personal experience, in my area of the country, the stallion BBCs are grateful when they get my permission to go bareback, but assume condom use and are fine with being covered.

A word about “Breeding”

Fake. At least, in my personal experience. And yuck. The overly-fetishized side of BBC/QOS plays focuses on subjugating and humiliating the husband as well as “breeding” the wife. Of course, no condoms can be used if one’s goal is to impregnate. Most of this appears to be limited to fantasy “memes” online, although it has migrated a bit into actual staged porn. But similar to “incest” videos and other taboo porn you find on vid sites, it isn’t real, or at least I hope to hell it isn’t, and I don’t think the viewers think it’s real. As for me, I don’t like taboo porn at all, and I don’t like the fetish side of BBC/QoS porn. The good news is that no BBC I’ve met has wanted to humiliate my husband or breed me. Creampies are proof of pleasure, not baby makers. The BBCs expect and want me to be on birth control (which any responsible hotwife would be, condoms aren’t 100%).

BBC Preference Reason 5 – Cool With Photos Being Taken

Most BBCs are exactly like most non-BBCs, they don’t want their identity revealed online. Some guys are okay with their faces being shown, and I love them for that because it makes our encounter photos much better when we can show their smiles, their orgasm faces, their enthusiasm. A lot gets lost when you hide guys faces. But I understand completely. We don’t want our sexual hobbies to cause us problems in our work lives or family relations.

The non-BBCs I played with aren’t posted very much online because most of them wanted to meet solo, in a hotel room, and no pics were taken. I always took post-play photos of my pussy and sent them to Mr. SPW, but they all look identical because there’s no guy in the pic. From the guy’s perspective, if there’s no pic taken at all, there’s no worry about whether someone will properly hide the guy’s face or not because there’s no face to hide. A small minority of non-BBCs did allow pics to be taken and posted with their faced hidden, and that’s cool, hubby likes those and posts those encounters.

The norm for stallion BBCs though is different. They expect photos to be taken. They want copies of the photos. Many want to take their own pics as well. They want us to hide their faces when we post, but they trust that we’ll do it. Only a tiny fraction have balked at any pics being taken at all.

For us, pics are important because we expand our network of hotwife couples and BBCs, as well as non-BBC fans, by posting pics online. But even for discreet couples who have no online pic presence, encounter photos are usually coveted, especially by the husband. Being prohibited from taking any photos at all is constraining and limits the fun. It can still be fun, as were our Florida and Atlanta trips where we didn’t get pics of the main action, but if we played only here and there at our house or a local motel and couldn’t take pics, hubby would be disappointed.

BBC Preference Reason 6 – BBWs Are Great

BBCs as a group seem more accepting of BBW ladies. It may be a meme, but it’s also been my personal experience.

This is super important to me. No one likes rejection, even during the initial vetting process. I obviously avoid the guys who post personals that say “no fatties”, but since I have a thin body and a large belly, a lot of my pics hide my belly and I look genuinely thin. So I have to tell guys I’m a BBW and usually show them a pic of my belly, stretch marks and rolls and all. I hate that, but it’s part of the disclosure process.

About half the guys simply go dark at that point, which is currently the best way of declining a person, but it sucks because we don’t know whether to eliminate that person as a candidate or not, since there’s often gaps of time between rounds of communication with everyone including the most enthusiastic party attendees.

When I played with non-BBCs I was self-conscious of my belly. I’m taller than most guys perceive and so my belly is proportionally bigger because of my larger frame. I realize that the non-BBC guys who played with me were okay with me, but when I play with stallion BBCs they outright LOVE ME. Omg, bring it on. Bounce that body. Truly, I feel liberated. They don’t seem to give a fuck about my belly or any of the things that bother me; they are only interested in giving a fuck to me, as in literally, giving me the fucking of my life.

It’s important to state that exceptions apply and everyone is unique. Many non-BBCs are okay with BBW too. I know, because I played with a lot of non-BBCs after showing pics that demonstrated I was a BBW. And they enjoyed our play very much and often request repeats. But here raw percentages matter. The BBCs who contact me rarely go dark after I show them a belly pic. So now I play the odds to my favor.

BBC Preference Reason 7 – Okay With Groups

80% of the guys who ping me want one-on-ones. I don’t do those. I might not click with your personality. You might not get hard even if you’re mentally stimulated and I’m sucking you. You might not show up and I’m sitting around prepped and ready and stuck. NO. Not going to happen.

Group play solves all of that. If one doesn’t show, someone else will. If one is too quiet, another is social and chatty. If one can’t get hard, no worries, relax and watch while another who is hard pounds me to an orgasm. YAY

When I switched to inviting guys to a party at a specific time, it made things much easier for me. I could plan better, and prep both me and the house prior to the event. I could invite lots of guys (since most won’t get back to me promptly, which I understand, we are all busy people). But I noticed something. The guys who replied that yes, they wanted to come to my party, fell into two groups:

Group A always asked “how many other guys?” then will say they want to come early and play with me solo before the others arrive, or after they leave, or want me to agree to a different time, usually the next day (Sunday, since I host on Saturdays typically).

Group B wants to come to the party if their schedule allows. They know there will be other guys are fine with that. They know I want them to come at the appointed time only and are fine with that.

Group A is a problem. The time wasted on answering questions and screening the guy only to get to the no-go proposal coincided with my need to maximize the time I spent on guys who would come to the party with multiple guys attending. If I convinced the guy to come to the group event, more often than not they flaked anyway. No shows suck. Group B is awesome. No drama, no games, no alternative proposals, they are just happy to have the opportunity to meet me and play.

Guys of all types fall into both groups. Many BBCs are Group A and many non-BBCs are Group B. But there’s a trend, at least in my area. It’s about 80/20 (a trite rule, but it applies in this case). 80 percent of the responding BBCs are Group B, fine with other guys being there. 80 percent of non-BBCs usually, at some point, hit me with the question of coming early or changing to a one-on-one on another day. Uggh. QOS for me.